This Tuesday, June 26, I’ll be working as an elections inspector during the Republican primaries in my residence town.  I’ve done this before and I know one thing, you and all of my fellow Americans can relax.

Even though my day begins at 5am and runs till 10pm, and I’m getting paid less than the minimum hourly wage and not getting lunch or dinner or coffee or tea or anything else for that matter, and this is strictly a voluntary civic duty, I’ll be there.

PLUS…

If Russian hackers try to wield their evil bits and bytes and steal this primary election, I’ll be there.

If Mexican and Central American “terror toddlers” try to sneak across the threshold with drug-stuffed diapers, I’ll be there.

If adult film industry actors, producers and directors try to distract true Americans and cast a pornographic pall, I’ll be there.

If national debt loving tax cutters try to slice their way in, I’ll be there.

If Chinese factory workers try to slip in and steal a job that no patriotic, self-righteous American would be seen doing, I’ll be there.

If FBI, CIA, and “deep state, deep web, deep dish” provocateurs who can’t be trusted try to mislead and brainwash the brainless, I’ll be there.

If extremist environmentalists and a gaggle of global warmers try to force us to breathe clean air and drink clean water, I’ll be there.

And if some crazy politician tries to force America into receiving healthcare and living up to the ideals and standards of the Constitution, I’ll be there….starting at, OMG, 5am.